Beyond the Rainy Seasons

Hey folks! First of all I want to thank you all for taking the time to read this post. If you’re receiving this, it’s because you’re incredibly special to me in ways you may not know. This post is extremely personal and partially a result of often being disregarded by someone with whom I shared a very special season of my life. To be more specific, I would say that person was my emotional placebo in various respects. In some ways this was crucial, and in others, possibly crippling for both of us. Ironically, friends have been reaching out to me lately regarding their own emotional placebos. And so I decided to post this word for those who are blessed by what I feel and say while recognizing that it may be God’s way of carrying all of us into the next phase of our lives.

I’ve recently had friends confiding in me about emotional ties to exes, lustful memories of former companions, and other strongholds only God can free anyone from. With that said, I’ll share a story about someone who I felt tied to, but realized I needed God to free me from. And he finally has. But as he’s freed me from my attachment, I still need his help with placing my second foot on the path to the next phase. My preferred means of help was a response to a “goodbye” I sent to my placebo. But the truth is we can’t always determine whether someone will give us a written or verbal farewell. And so, I see God has called me to close this chapter of my life with an encouragement for others. I pray that as I share my heart, someone is empowered.

A secret I’ve been keeping for a very long time is that I was emotionally attached to a former prospect that I’ve known for years! And although I’m sure at least one of you is reading and considering this unnatural or unhealthy, at least one other person is reading this and thinking, “I thought it was just me!!!” So as hard as it is to put myself out there, I’ll be transparent for the sake of the latter.

For those seeking God for detachment from someone who now belongs in the past, my story is regarding someone God has recently freed me from emotionally. Up until now, the dynamic of our friendship has changed several times. But the concluding dynamic, or final season of our friendship, was the most critical. In our latter days, we’d only correspond regarding a select few topics. One was my mom’s illness. Another was in regard to things so personal that I can’t even blog about them. This was due to the fact that I knew I could confide in a man who was always my friend. I knew this because regardless of our history, what was said to him stayed with him and he was honest in a corrective and caring way. And for a while what I was feeling may have appeared to be romantic. But it was something deeper than carnal attachment. As I viewed him to be a true a man of God and friend, I realized I accrued a lot of love and admiration. It was rare, but in time was no longer romantic. It was also deep, and I eventually understood what it was. What I realized is that he was my placebo emotionally speaking. And for what I consider to be a very long time.

You see, prior to discovering my Boaz, I had been settling for different reasons. And until the man for me was revealed, his characteristics hadn’t been matched. So what helped me to wait in a bittersweet way was the existence of the most comparable friend. My revelation is that he was a temporary void filler, whom I’ve labeled my placebo. Once I truly sought Christ to fill that void in a way that he hadn’t before, my waiting period came to a close. And although the waiting is over, my purging has a final step. My hope is that as I purge myself in writing, others will be delivered. Please believe that if God can free me from a bittersweet binding attachment, he can definitely free you from yours. It may take months, but it could also take years. And as hard as that may be to receive, trust that God has already started in leading you to something and/or someone better fit for you than the person you are currently attached to. And before I close, I’ll share my own testimony with a poem about the true fix God has supplied for me; a man I’ve known since his birth… and plan to love until death.

(Play instrumental as you continue reading)

“For Boaz… For Always”

You’ve seen every side of me,
now times ten including kisses.
We’ve known each other 30 years
and someday I’ll be your Misses.
Everyday I’m more in love
through blessings birthed by wishes.
And every wish comes true with you.
Real love? Yes that’s what this is.
Flesh had its temporary drug,
but through Christ, you’re my final fix.
Constantly taking me higher,
while the rest can hit the bricks.
I love you more each day,
Sometimes I’m nearly about to burst.
I can’t believe my final love
is the one God gave me first.
My best friend and my husband,
in my heart though still not written.
Know you’ve got this wife for life.
Cuz she’s infinitely smitten.
This poem is probably sappy
but it’s coming from the heart.
I love you more and more each day
and this is just the start.

Copyright ©2011 Keisha L. Clarke
© 2000-2011 GS Poetry. All rights reserved

You see, my placebo served a purpose, which was completed as we ended a season. But the man I have just spoken of has come for a more pressing reason. This poem was written about the one I know God brought into my life for the long hall. Although it was my heart and strength that caught his eye, it was his own that caught my hand. And although there’s still no ring on it, I look forward to the days prior to and beyond material symbols. For some of you, that man is already in your life. For others, you may be destined for a life of single-hood. Either way, you need to open your eyes to God’s will in general and be thankful for what he’s already given you. As you do this, be open to what he has in store and trust that he’ll continue to lead you in being detached from whoever isn’t meant for you. No matter the method, know that the supplier will give you a fix beyond your wildest dreams. And please believe that when this happens, your latter will be greater [Job 8:7]. I pray my word was of encouragement to at least one reader. Please continue to lift me in prayer as I continue praying for all of you.

Your sis in Christ for life…
KLC

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~ by Keisha L. Clarke on July 26, 2011.